LEADERSHIP SPILL
A leader who had promised stability was replaced this morning by a colleague who had also promised stability. Both described the change as "a new direction." Observers noted the new direction was the old direction, now with a new logo. Asked what would change, the new leader said "everything" and then listed nothing, in a firm voice.
POLL SURGE
A party has surged. Analysts agree the surge is not really about the party. The party agrees. Voters, asked whether they were voting for something or against something, said "yes." Both major parties have vowed to "listen," a process expected to take the form of a review.
RATE WARNING
Economists cautioned today that interest rates may rise, citing the same factors they cited the last time they cautioned that interest rates may rise. Households were urged to "prepare." A spokesperson clarified that this means having already prepared, ideally in 2019.
IN OTHER NEWS
A review was commissioned today into an earlier review. Everyone present agreed it signalled a turning point. By lunchtime it had turned, slightly, into a working group.
The Daily Unremarkable regrets that this story will run again next week under a different headline.