"All the news that barely happened" — est. sometime, nobody wrote it down
In a development being described by colleagues as "unlike her at all," a local woman has confirmed she not only completed her sole trader tax return this week, but did so with what witnesses are calling "an unsettling amount of composure."
An ambulance responding to a Camberwell cardiac arrest experienced no delays, no ramping, no confrontations, and no content whatsoever for a current affairs segment.
An inspection found all three colours functioning in the correct order, ending days of idle speculation at the bus stop.
Cloud cover, temperature, and mild disappointment all arrived precisely on schedule for the third day running.
Witnesses describe a third attempt as "likely," though no timeline has been confirmed.
No one has spoken since. One employee was seen quietly writing the date down, "just in case."
Local residents say the cat "seems fine," and add that they, too, have considered doing the same.
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